1. |
extra tarot card
04:00
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something’s been on my mind recently
something i can’t quite get off my chest
it started when i saw this dull light behind my eyes
that reflection in a lake somewhere in Hyde Park
and then it began following me everywhere
buses, windows, screens, monitors, cars, puddles, glasses, bottles, showcases, mirrors, labyrinths
endless routes leading me somewhere dark
only showing my dumb face everywhere i go
and every time i turn around i see nothing but an empty silhouette
it’s filled with void
an extra tarot card
just wasting resources doing what society wants it to do
making it just a pale light that is slowly fading out until it disappears (disappears)
am i gonna disappear? (scream)
if i only knew what can i do to stop it
i don’t have any friends.. maybe that will do?
i study but i don’t really know how to enjoy something so trivial like that
maybe i should get a job? people want to have lots of money and successful career path, could it be the same for me?
i don’t believe in god or anything but... should i give it a try? dedicating yourself to something if you don’t have anything to do with your dumb existence doesn’t seem to be a bad idea anymore
what else can i do if nothing works after all? maybe i should live my best life in the ways like... lovers? alcohol? clubs? or even drugs?
hahahah too many thoughts for today
they all creep me out even more
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2. |
Rakhim
04:09
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walking down the street after
hours of thinking about
my own existence
the point of my life i just
stopped for a second
and met this lil cutie in a
box moving junk
smiling right back at me
woah i didn’t think
i’ll get solution this fast and holing
puppy in my arms wouldn’t
be our last meeting
so i brought him home
i brought him home and
named him Rakhim
for the first time i felt like
caring about him cuz
he’s made my whole day
or maybe my whole life
and i’ll be watching him
and he’ll be on my side
grocery stores
embankment and parks
i’m not alone in my bedroom
not with his barks
he goes (wuf)
running along
no sorrows no fears
greeting his pals
with wide charming grips
i feel so much love for you
good boy
friendship lasts forever in this case
everything is in it’s right place
i thought.... until the flash
brightens
the noise
quietens
the scars
shows
and night
falls
out
until the car came over your body
you tail got down and your eyes became empty
i don’t know what else
i can do
going home alone and depressed
i wish that i have done my best
cuz dogs don’t deserve it
you didn’t deserve it
crying all night and punching my walls
i wanna die i’m not on my toes
barely know just what can i do
to continue living this live
without you
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3. |
fatal joyride
03:50
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i wanna retreat
and do all the things people usually do for a living
i’m gonna do well
and then again
start it from scratch
hypnotizing my vision with clever decisions
why do they call it my own demolition
if you never touched that sphere like education
if you never set this plan for salvation
i don’t fucking dare
to pull this again
on my hands
and i’m bringing my pen
i’ll do what i can
to survive this hell
endless hours passing by
got more things to revive
in my head
bitching about slowly wasting my time
slowly dying inside
on this fatal joyride
and universities fall and
that is to be done by my call
turning my tables up side down
trashing my papers and spinning around
in a wheelchair
thinking i could have done
much much better
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4. |
keep the faith
03:20
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now the time has come for me to look away from the simplest ways to get a sense of living this pointless life and having these pointless thoughts just about everything swirling around me. i am NOT a fucking robot anymore i am NOT programmed to go through all this bullshit years and years, the routine they do, the meaning they find in it, the blood-sweat & tears aesthetic, the whole EXHAUSTION, it’s nearly insane how we are killing ourselves with the system, the corrupted construct, the office-HELL, the time of craziness rumbling down our brains, it’s all just NONSENSE (nonsense)
but i can still run away from all this. i still have the guts to believe in myself (i guess) just.. don’t hesitate.... the book of all times said it all. you just need to keep the faith..... yes, faith.
i see the small church among the leafless trees in the middle of nowhere and this is just the place to start it all over.
redemption, that’s what i need. i can feel the weight getting off me as i step through the door and this feels so spiritually pleasing.
the candles brightening up a spacious room, the rigorous faces of saints and angels all looking at me in amusement asking for my potential devotion. yes i think i am ready to pray.... i’m ready to find myself somewhere on the higher level, somewhere not....
wait this isn’t right. more people coming around trying to put me in some kind of a circle, they’re all wearing gowns and holding... what is it, a goat skull? and actually (keep the faith) WHAT THE
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5. |
never hopeless
04:07
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check it out
yes i’ve never been there before
you get wasted so fast in places like these
bro i bet
hahah don’t be afraid i don’t bite
so c’mon you can dance to it
can i?
there’s no time to be a little kid
endless flow of rich white people
is that really what i need now
bottles falling (off) the tables
creepy men are staring straight at us
god it cant be any worse now
after that one satanists cult
so-called friends advised me drinkin’
tipsy dancin’ with a whiskey (глоток)
closeness eats me up in rhythm
crowd around me looking sicko
speeding-up i need to focus
guess this life is not that hopeless
anymore
sinking deeply into tempo
even to this old rave techno
branching off the dealers corner
wanna something to come forward
chasing visions of our future
starting selfish revolution
burning flames while hugging cushions
my desires from concussions
r u tryin to tell me smh
cuz i don’t fell so good after all
what are we coming to ur place? awesome
and by that i mean don't judge me if i’m asleep
or if i’m too drunk to be initiative
or if i’m too passive to cast a spell upon your creepy steamy mood
or if i get all it wrong
closeness eats me up in rhythm
crowd around me looking sicko
speeding-up i need to focus
guess this life is not that hopeless
no it’s not hopeless
never never hopeless
never never hopeless
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6. |
two inches
03:48
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open the window
cuz it’s stuffy in here
clean up and see
all the dust in the air
we’re getting closer
two inches per minute
you brought a stranger to your door
and now she’s feeling less alone
thinkin' about all the time i missed it
love
relationships
accidental acquaintances
accidental act of caring
touching
while barely knowing each other
but being sure
that it feels right
nothing in my whole life has ever felt this right
got something to think about while
we’re lying here
while we’re holding hands
sharing the bed
you’re taking your meds
she falls asleep
cuz that’s what she gets
believing in love at first sight
nothing has ever felt this right
to her
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7. |
where were you
02:56
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8. |
this is it
02:54
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all the failures i’ve become
i’m just left with the pencils and broken heart no
i’m not a monster it’s kinda scary though
with finding problems and switching players
i'm done for now
wasting years on many possibilities of crashing down
and changing chorus lines with the dialogues about the time
i fell through the earth the planet itself what
i’ve been looking for was right in front of me
standing up pale
shaking my whole body
it’s driving me mad
my hands can’t get more bloody
look i’m all dirty
look i’m all wet
look i can’t get it all
out of my fucking head
look i’m all dirty
look i’m all wet
look i can’t get it all
out of my fucking head
gypsy pub and Greenwich district
more bright places in the distance
no i can’t reach em
but i guess i have to
in order to stop running
stop thinking
stop it all from happening over again
pencils calling out to me
whispering
this is the answer
this is what i need to be doing right now
this is it
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9. |
credits
04:00
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all the credits go to me
i am my own producer
i am my own songwriter
i am my own artist
i am made by design
that truly unique design
is it too much to ask for?
just making art
sculpting my thoughts into waves
sins and squares
sharing this execrable experience in shapes
in numbers
algorithms
cube
or cubicle?
i’m not sure anymore
that eternal trip has brought me to music
and i can never be more thankful
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fatal joyride Moscow, Russia
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